The [Perfect]

Perfection. 

What a concept. 

What an elusive ambition. 

What an extraordinary burden.

Yet all of my life I have been plagued with this deceitful craving.

Why? What makes perfection so alluring?

This weekend at my church (P4square.com) we were asked upon exiting the service to look through a few magazines to find what would best describe some of our biggest struggles and failings and stick them to a plywood board, that next week will be destroyed symbolizing the forgiveness and redemption found only in Christ.

When I began looking through all the clippings, I had no idea what I would post. Not that I don't think I have an failings, I just didn't know what would sum them up. Then I found it. Ironically in a Nikon ad (for those of you who don't know, Jordan and I are photographers and shoot Nikon).

"The Perfect"

And it was.

I grew up in a christian home. I am the oldest child, the oldest grandchild, the pride and joy of my parents and grandparents. I began ministry serving my church as a leader in "Kids Co." at age 10. I was heavily involved with 4H with my horse, and won most of the shows I participated in. I skipped a grade and graduated high school a year early with my AAS degree. After taking two years off and becoming a personal trainer, I went back to school and graduated from Central Washington University with my BA in Exercise Science at age 20 with a 4.0 GPA. I was and still am heavily involved with a worship band/ministry call Floodgate Alive who just released a first album last fall. I got married a year ago to my best friend and the best man I know. We bought a house, got a dog...

What is more, I continue to consider all these things as a loss for the sake of what is far more valuable, 

knowing the Messiah Jesus, my Lord. It is because of him that I have experienced the loss of all those things. Indeed, I consider them rubbish in order to gain Christ

Phil 3:8

I'm not saying all this to brag, but to prove a point. Although my life is not as impressive as some, I am a very driven person. I like to achieve and succeed. 

I HATE failing. 

I HATE looking stupid.

I HATE doing things I'm not good at. 

I HATE not being perfect.

The most absurd part of wanting to be perfect, is that you know it is impossible, yet you do not let that little detail stop you from wasting your life and breath striving to that end.

What a obnoxious lie from the pit of Hell.

Just think of the despicable pride that causes us to believe this achievable. 

Us who are born into depravity.

Pride goes before destruction

A haughty spirit before a fall

Prov 16:18

Oh what time and potential is waisted in striving for the imaginary goal of perfection.

How it must break the heart of Christ to see us cast aside his grace deceiving ourselves that we can do it without him.

I have experienced physically the results of an unhealthy infatuation with perfection. When I graduated college, I got marred, settled into a steady home with a steady income and a steady job in my field. The American dream right? But I felt so complacent. I was leading a "normal" life, which I love, but I was not achieving any extraordinary feat toward perfection. I began to have what I believe were anxiety attacks or adrenaline rushes at night that would keep me awake and miserable. I have since surrendered that to Christ, and have not experienced one of these "episodes" for a while now.

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good;

Blessed is the one who TRUSTS in him.

Ps 34:8

We rely on what Christ Jesus has done for us. 

We put no confidence in human effort. 

Phil 3:3

For by grace are you saved through faith; 

and that not of yourselves: 

it is the gift of God

Eph 2:8

Wow.

Look what the Lord has done for me.

What weight lifted in surrendering to His PERFECT grace.

What joy in relinquishing this crushing burden.

I don't have to be perfect!

What freedom!

I will fail, but that will never again be a legitimate excuse to keep me from trying.

I will "be strong in the Grace of the Lord" 

My everyday living for Him and Trusting in Him will be my ultimate purpose, and gratification.

I will rejoice in my freedom and revel in His perfection.

I WILL fail

I WILL look stupid

I WILL not be afraid to try things I may not be good at

I Will trust in Christ's perfection.

But he has told me, "My grace is all you need, because my power is perfected in weakness." 

Therefore, I will most happily boast about my weaknesses, 

so that the Messiah's power may rest on me.

2 Cor. 12:9

Oh Lord, may your power rest on me!

I am clean in His sight.

So go in peace.

Walk in His grace.

Rest in His perfection.

Be blessed.

[Tandem]

This memorial day I went on a 15 mile tandem bike ride with my dad. It was quite an experience. It was a beautiful day, and a lovely route. But aside from the lovely views, I learned something about life.

 

Riding in the back seat of a tandem bike is quite an experience. It is nothing like riding a single bike, and can either be a relaxing peaceful experience, or be extremely stressful. If you have never ridden in the back of a tandem bike, you must know that the only thing you have control over is how hard you pedal. You have no control over the gear, direction, breaking.... you can't even see what is just ahead most of the time. Now if you like to lead and be in control like most of us do, this can be very stressful and irritating. And believe me it is hazardous to your safety to try to lead from the back seat! But if you really trust your leader and you have good communication it can be very relaxing and enjoyable, because you don't have to worry about were you are going, or controlling the bike. You just listen to the leader, and pedal away, free to enjoy the lovely view.

 As I was getting used to this sensation of being helplessly dependent on my dad's judgment in controlling the bike, I realized some things about myself and about life.  I like to be in control. I like to see what is just ahead of me. But when I gave up hope of this control and just followed and trusted my dad's leadership (He is a very experienced cyclist, and a great leader in general), I really began to enjoy the ride. The view was breathtaking and I did not have to worry about a thing.

Those who truly strive to live a Christian life, can learn a lot from riding tandem. In this life Christ is our leader and we must trust him, give him control, and follow his lead. When we do this, all the rough terrain will be much smoother. You will not have to worry about the next stretch of road, or the next series of hills, you just keep pedaling away and trusting your leader. Of course if you try to gain control all the time and do not trust in Christ, you will fall again and again. You were not created to take this roll in your life. The back seat is fitted just for you, and the front is fitted just for Christ. 

So trust your leader. Enjoy the view. Look back over all the rough terrain he has so masterfully guided you through. Yes the hills will still be hard work and the dogs may bite at your heels now and again, but your leader knows what he is doing, and life is way easer when we trust him and enjoy the view from the back seat. 

5:2

Once upon a time a boy gave his five loaves of bread and two fish to feed over 5000 people.

Next time you think you have nothing to offer to a world in need, remember this. Look around you. Give what you have, believing that God will multiply it to get his work done. He doesn't ask you to solve word hunger all by yourself, he just asks you to surrender what you have to him, and let him be God with it!!

What is your 5:2??

And He Held Me....

Since about the middle of December, I have been periodically having what I think might be anxiety attacks at night. I'm not totally sure that is what they are, it's like repetitive adrenaline rushes for hours (imagine the feeling you get when you almost get in a car wreck, it's that... over and over again) sometimes there are emotions with it, but usually it is just physical, and it keeps me up..... late. 

The last one I had was pretty intense. I had to really fight a feeling of helplessness and despair. Needless to say I was praying.... a lot. Finally I prayed that God would comfort me, and would just hold me. (Before I go on I have to say that Jordan had been asleep for quite a while at this point and does not remember any of this.) So right after I prayed this in my head, Jordan wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close, and with my head on his chest, and his strong arms around me holding me close, I felt so loved and safe and comforted. Soon I was able to fall asleep. 

God's love amazes me. I asked Jordan if he remembered this in the morning, and he had no idea of what had happened. It's so powerful to me how God uses people. Even when they have no idea of the way they are being used. I've always known God loves me, but this was such a tangible, and relevant way to show his love for me. I've never experienced his love in such a tangible way, and never so strongly through another person. He cares. So much. This was not a fluke, it has never happened before or since. His love is real. Powerful. Relevant.

Ask Him to love you. He will. It may not be exactly what you expect, but if you are looking for it, you will see it in a way that is so personal to you and your needs. 

 

SOAP: The Power of Love

For those of you new to SOAP. It is a way to study the Bible. S-scripture, O-observation, A-application, P-prayer. So here goes!

S.  Eph 3:19 (NLT - I just started reading the new living and I love it!)

"May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God." 

O. It seems that the key to fullness of life and power lies in understanding and experiencing the love that Christ has for us, his people, on a deeply personal level. I think that so many of us feel unlovable. At least that the God of the universe should have someone better to love than us right? I know that I often feel that way. But that is just the enemy crippling us from receiving the fullness of life and power that we are meant to have in order to defeat him! Some of us just need to get over our selves and deal with the fact that GOD LOVES US each individually, deeply, passionately. And there is NOTHING we could ever do to deserve it, or to stop it! 

A.  It's so like us humans to feel that we need to earn our stripes, that we can not just take hand outs. But when we get over this and just accept and receive Christ's love for us we are suddenly full of life and power! We become alive in Christ, and powerful against the enemy of our souls. I don't know about you, but I want me some of that power! So lets just get over ourselves and let Christ love us, really love us. Let's embrace that love and cling to it for dear life. Just because he loves us doesn't mean that you are letting it change your life. So let it. Embrace it. Walk in it every day. Be full of life. Be full of power. 

P.  Lord I pray that you will help me to get over my own imperfections and inadequacies, and simply accept your love for me with a grateful heart. 

Perspective

I'm realizing that focusing on my self has hindered me from hearing Gods voice, and my ability to be used by him. I'm realizing more and more what I have always known, that times of trial or pain or seemingly unjust suffering is usually a way of being refined, assigned, and used for the glory of God. Our perspective must change. God is trying to get our attention. The first thought should be "speak Lord for your servant is listening". Not "why me, why now, this is not fair....". I am seeing this unfold in my life in an amazing way. I am beginning to see that perspective is key, it changes everything! Wow. I pray that God will give me his perspective more and more.