And He Held Me....

Since about the middle of December, I have been periodically having what I think might be anxiety attacks at night. I'm not totally sure that is what they are, it's like repetitive adrenaline rushes for hours (imagine the feeling you get when you almost get in a car wreck, it's that... over and over again) sometimes there are emotions with it, but usually it is just physical, and it keeps me up..... late. 

The last one I had was pretty intense. I had to really fight a feeling of helplessness and despair. Needless to say I was praying.... a lot. Finally I prayed that God would comfort me, and would just hold me. (Before I go on I have to say that Jordan had been asleep for quite a while at this point and does not remember any of this.) So right after I prayed this in my head, Jordan wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close, and with my head on his chest, and his strong arms around me holding me close, I felt so loved and safe and comforted. Soon I was able to fall asleep. 

God's love amazes me. I asked Jordan if he remembered this in the morning, and he had no idea of what had happened. It's so powerful to me how God uses people. Even when they have no idea of the way they are being used. I've always known God loves me, but this was such a tangible, and relevant way to show his love for me. I've never experienced his love in such a tangible way, and never so strongly through another person. He cares. So much. This was not a fluke, it has never happened before or since. His love is real. Powerful. Relevant.

Ask Him to love you. He will. It may not be exactly what you expect, but if you are looking for it, you will see it in a way that is so personal to you and your needs. 

 

SOAP: The Power of Love

For those of you new to SOAP. It is a way to study the Bible. S-scripture, O-observation, A-application, P-prayer. So here goes!

S.  Eph 3:19 (NLT - I just started reading the new living and I love it!)

"May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God." 

O. It seems that the key to fullness of life and power lies in understanding and experiencing the love that Christ has for us, his people, on a deeply personal level. I think that so many of us feel unlovable. At least that the God of the universe should have someone better to love than us right? I know that I often feel that way. But that is just the enemy crippling us from receiving the fullness of life and power that we are meant to have in order to defeat him! Some of us just need to get over our selves and deal with the fact that GOD LOVES US each individually, deeply, passionately. And there is NOTHING we could ever do to deserve it, or to stop it! 

A.  It's so like us humans to feel that we need to earn our stripes, that we can not just take hand outs. But when we get over this and just accept and receive Christ's love for us we are suddenly full of life and power! We become alive in Christ, and powerful against the enemy of our souls. I don't know about you, but I want me some of that power! So lets just get over ourselves and let Christ love us, really love us. Let's embrace that love and cling to it for dear life. Just because he loves us doesn't mean that you are letting it change your life. So let it. Embrace it. Walk in it every day. Be full of life. Be full of power. 

P.  Lord I pray that you will help me to get over my own imperfections and inadequacies, and simply accept your love for me with a grateful heart. 

Perspective

I'm realizing that focusing on my self has hindered me from hearing Gods voice, and my ability to be used by him. I'm realizing more and more what I have always known, that times of trial or pain or seemingly unjust suffering is usually a way of being refined, assigned, and used for the glory of God. Our perspective must change. God is trying to get our attention. The first thought should be "speak Lord for your servant is listening". Not "why me, why now, this is not fair....". I am seeing this unfold in my life in an amazing way. I am beginning to see that perspective is key, it changes everything! Wow. I pray that God will give me his perspective more and more.